I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
