first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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