you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
