woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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