Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
