names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
