I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
