lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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