I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
