My room smells like vodka and shame
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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