I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
