problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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