I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
