Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
