Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
