Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
