all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
