My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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