life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
