It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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