she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize