Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
