His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
