Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
me + whiskey = a bad person
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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