I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize