You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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