some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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