What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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