im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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