Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
