I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
