hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
