Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
