Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
