Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
