her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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