yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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