I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
