I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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