if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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