can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
