Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize
