He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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