He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
