I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think your dad took our porno
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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