No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize