Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
