Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
