I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have post one night stand depression
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