She is in my trunk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
