Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
