I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
