great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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