I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
