highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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