in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
