as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize