At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
