also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
