i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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