I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
