Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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