True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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