No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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