her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
