At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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