planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This baby is an asshole
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
