so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just had sex on a roof
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
