It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
