Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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