next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
