apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
