Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
