Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize