just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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