Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
