it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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