god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The uberlube is also flammable
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
