You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You ruined the universe
Randomize
