I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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