he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
