So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
