I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
