dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
