My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
