no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
