I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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