Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize