Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
