Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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