Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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