JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
