My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
