I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize