I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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