I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
