we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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