she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
