ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
