So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
