Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
