Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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