I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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