I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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