If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
