his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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