Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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