were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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