Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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