why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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