you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize