there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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