I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
