thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
