You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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