So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
