He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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