my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He better not be in your backpack
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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