both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
