Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and she was petting her beer can
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
