if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
